When it comes to sex toy and dildos, there are SOOOOOOO many choices out there. Sex toy stores and websites can be overwhelming to anyone, especially for a beginner. I remember the first time I bought a dildo. I was so nervous and embarrassed. I recall walking into the store and seeing all of the colors, sizes, shapes, and immediately felt that rush of nerves come over my body. Luckily, one of the employees working was so gentle and kind in their approach. Perhaps “beginner” was written all over my face but they really handled me with the utmost care and kid gloves I required. They walked me through realistic vs. non-realistic dildos, dual-density vs. silicone vs. PVC vs. jelly (gross… more on that later). I finally decided on this average-sized, dual-density dildo that was harness compatible and would be perfect for my partner and I. Had I not had that wonderful person there to help me, who knows what I would have walked out of that store with. So, I am here to help impart all of the knowledge I have learned and pass it along to you all. For better or worse, here are my DIL DOs and DON’Ts!

#1 Do your research; materials matter. Ever heard of phthalates? I hadn’t either until I started learning about materials to make sex toys. And what an education I received. I literally would have never known that a common material used in sex toys contained phthalates. For your reference, phthalates are a family of chemical rubber softeners used in many sex toys. The FDA cites phthalates as a probable human carcinogen but there is no legislation pending to keep them out of sex toys. What that all means is, MATERIALS MATTER! Would you ever willingly put something inside of your body that was toxic or could cause cancer? Me either. It is ideal to look for toys that are made from 100% medical-grade or health-grade silicone. I have always taken pride in the fact that POP Dildo uses the highest-quality silicone and I have never compromised the quality of any materials I use to make an extra buck. Sadly, a lot of companies don’t think that way. Bottom line, when shopping for safe sex toys, choose ones that are phthalate free!

#2 This brings up a good point when educating yourself about toys. ASK QUESTIONS! Ok, y’all, I know it’s awkward AF to ask a stranger in a sex toy store questions, but I can tell you this: however weird or strange you think your question is, they have heard worse. People that work in adult stores are there to help you and answer all those questions you might think are weird! I went into an adult store not too long ago just to peruse the shelves and see what was out there. I was asking ALLLLL the questions and they were more than happy to answer them for me. Leave the fear behind and don’t be shy!

#3 While we are talking about communication, another major DO when it comes to dildos and toys is talking about them! If you have a partner, it is key to communicate about what you both want, need, desire, boundaries, limits, etc.  These are not only going to make your purchase decisions better but I have a feeling your sex will also be better. Maybe in your mind, you want this large-and-in-charge dildo to strap on but your partner has not yet had any experience with penetration. If that’s the case, a large dildo is not going to work for you. It’s all about talking it out. My friends, communication is sexy as hell.

#4 As we continue rolling into my DIL DOs and DON’Ts, the next on my list is, bigger isn’t always better. For those size queens and kings out there, you may want to rethink things before you go for the bigguns. Typically, larger is meant for more experienced users. If you are a beginner or even an intermediate player, big dildos can be alot to take in (literally). It’s always smart to work your way up. Think of it like getting your ears pierced. You aren’t going to go for the biggest gauge out of the gate. You are going to start small and gradually progress into the larger sizes. Same logic for dildos my friends.

#5 As we talk about size, this also brings up a big DIL DO: LUBE! Lube is your friend. If you aren’t already friends with lube, you should get acquainted. If you are someone who naturally produces a lot of lubricant, kudos to you. But, folks, the more lube, the better. This translates into all kinds of sex you might have: fingers, hands, anal plugs, dildos, you name it; you’re going to want lube with it. There’s a big misconception that if you need lube, you aren’t turned on interested. This is far from true. There are many factors that indicate the level of someone's arousal, so stop focusing on their level of lubrication being the only one. There are so many different kinds of lubricants available. The top 3 most recognizable would likely be silicone, water-based, or hybrid. Silicone lube is going to give you that super-slick feel and is meant to last but is also most likely to stain your sheets. It’s hypoallergenic, which is a bonus for those that are sensitive. Water-based lube will also give you some slickness, but because it is water based, it requires you to keep applying it in order to be long lasting. These are also usually easy on the skin and are less likely to stain your sheets (if that’s something you care about). A hybrid lubricant is often a combo of both silicone and water-based lubes, so if you are undecided about what you like, try a hybrid. There is a world of lube out there. Even POP Dildo has its own custom lube. Trust me, no matter what toy you are using, you won’t be disappointed by adding lube to it.

#6 My final DIL DO is cleaning your toys after use! This is also a MUST. It would seem like this is an obvious thing to do, but considering how much we have to teach our population to wash their hands, you would be surprised how many people don’t wash their toys. Do you need to get out of bed immediately to clean your toys? Not at all. Enjoy your post coital moments. However, when you arise from all your sex glory, wash those toys! Most products will come with guidelines of how to properly clean your toy, so you should follow those. The most common forms of cleaning are warm water and soap or using a toy cleaner. You can also put most silicone toys in the top rack of your dishwasher. Either way, whatever method you opt for, clean your toys!  

I hope you have all enjoyed reading my DIL DOs and DON’Ts as much as I have enjoyed writing them. As you continue to read more of my blog posts, you will start to learn that I exist to make your sexual experiences all the better. I mean, c’mon, I make sex toys for a living. It’s my damn job. Until next time…

Best, 

Steph “Spermin’” Berman